..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
