Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
