I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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