How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
