YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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