I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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