I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
