:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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