Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
