I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
