tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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