I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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