somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My vagina just recognized that song.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
