I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
