I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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