I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
