You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
no you cant smoke seaweed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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