is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
