I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
