Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
