Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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