I love black thongs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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