I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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