My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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