accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
