Barsexuality is the new black.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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