I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize