Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
