Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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