I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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