worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You are a genius and a whore.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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