U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
