I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
