I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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