My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
