Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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