So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
