i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
