She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
