Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
