One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
