I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
either way he was missing a nipple.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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