My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize