her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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