I think I am morally bankrupt
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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