we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
