Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
