Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just gargled with NyQuil
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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