there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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