Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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