Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
