Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
