Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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