Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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