I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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