I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
