I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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