there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
