But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
well you can't waste a boner
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize