so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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